So if you don’t follow the blogger, mama & mega babe Weslie from Double you Dot you need to. I have followed her blog since way back when it was Love Chugs. I have looked up to her for what seems like forever, which I hope she does not take this in a creepy way as I have only ever spoken to her briefly when I asked her questions about her amazing tan secrets, and about her lashes. What I am trying to get to, is I personally don’t know (heck yeah it would be amazing too, but I won’t lie, I would totally be super awkward & probably lose my words) which I seem to do whenever I meet anyone that I have ever found amazing, or inspiring. Okay I am rambling so my point being is that she did this amazing Magic of Vulnerability Challenge, that totally took off and inspired a lot of people to open up. Today I decide to take the challenge but not for thirty days, I take the challenge for whenever I feel is necessary, when I am struggling, for the weeks I don’t blog because I can’t leave my bed because my depression as swallowed me up again, or when the thought of leaving the house makes me want to crawl out of my skin due to my agoraphobia. For any shameless fans it looks something like Sheila Jackson from.. and thats not me making light of the situation its so people can understand, albeit she makes it very comedic. I take this challenge to shed light on the fact that my pictures may portray only the days, weeks and months I am doing “well”, they don’t show my Godsend of a husband taking on all the responsibility of the chores after he works all day, or making me dinner because even the thought of that seems like too much, or the fact that he so patiently starts a bath and encourages me to take one knowing that I haven’t taken a shower in god knows when, or our date nights when we drive all the way to whatever place we chose to go to and I can’t get out of the car, I am helpless struck by anxiety that I was not expecting. So he calmly turns the car around and we drive home as I am sitting in the passengers seat bawling my eyes out and praying and asking.. why me..?
The only answer I have found for this question I have asked God & the universe,countless times throughout my life is so I can share my story, that maybe someone out there needs to here this, they need to know its manageable and the lows only make the highs so much better. That you will get stronger and the universe or God only have the best intentions for you and that we don’t have to know what we are here for, somehow we eventually all figure it out, or maybe we never do, but what I do know is that maybe its the journey, and we should feel everything, we only get one trip around the sun and I know I want mine to be the most genuine, loving, living filled life as possible.
I know I have been candid with my struggles with my depression and anxiety but sometimes I still get reminders that people are still easily blinded by others “highlight reels” that they display on social media. And get caught up in the “oh she seems to have it all together, life is easy for so & so, or I wish I could be like that, he/she has it so perfect, why can’t I have that, or if only I had that”. I want whoever is reading this to know its so easy to fall into that trap of comparing yourself to others, or being blinded by what someones creates or posts, but not everyone lays it out there. Not everyone likes to “Talk Turkey”. I don’t like to revel in my depression, anxiety etc. either to be honest. But I do talk about them, because I know others are out there they see perfectly curated lives on instagram, or Facebook, or blogs, and they think “why am I the only one?” I am here to say you aren’t alone, I will say this until my dying breath, because sometimes the isolation of these diseases, issue, whatever it may be that we feel are unworthy of acknowledgment should be hidden or buried from other people, or our society is actually worse then the actual issue. So I guess Weslie is right that Vulnerability is Magical, and once you open yourself up, other will open up too, and having genuine loving connections with people is all that matters in this world. One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is …”And don’t be afraid to Fall in love, its the only thing that matters in life, the only thing, do you understand what I am telling you? You just fall in love with as many things as possible..”
Market Basket: Greige Design
Shirt: T.J. Maxx
Boots: Steve Madden
Rings: Pup Up Jewellery & Design
Leaf Clip: Neekas