I’ve been holding this post in for probably the last 6 months if not more. Bare with me it is really hard. Not like life isn’t hard on the daily but this feels really out of comfort zone. I know I have shared my in depth post about my chronic dibilitating depression and anxiety. Finding out on top of these two struggles I have worked thoroughly on weekly for the last 7 years of my life, that I most likely have endometriosis was a major blow, yes it can be corrected or controlled but me & surgery?? HECK NO. I counted my “wisdom teeth” as surgery and let me tell you I had an infection after infection.. it was a nightmare. So having anxiety doesn’t exactly help my confidence going into this surgery but it is a necessity. Anyways that is like 2+ months away but I’m sure anyone that has any sort of anxiety knows that it weighs on you everyday even subconsciously. With that set aside let me tell you with 100% honesty the past 6+ months I have left my raw vegan lifestyle to a laid back Pescatarion lifestyle, fully cooked, vegan junk food etc, even sometimes a fail on the lax vegetarian lifestyle. I felt GUILTY, I felt horrible. I blamed myself, AKA a major fail on my part. I then stopped having the energy and motivation to workout and soon I found myself in bed, I found myself where I had previously found myself before. I asked myself HOW…. How the hell…. did you let this happen again?? Why are you so weak you couldn’t have the will power, Why are you destined to be fat & binge, Why are you the way you are? After asking myself these questions outlaid or in my head I re-evaluate. I always think I have the answer. That is not true. When it comes down to it, they are just excuses. ” Family is in town.”, “We have been out to eat all week”, “We were on our honeymoon”, “We are still learning about each other.”, “It was a holiday”, “It’s your birthday”. Honestly, these are all excuses when I was raw vegan I didn’t let ANY of these get in the way of my thinking, I actually found the normal thoughts of everyone around me to be ABSURD. I made my own holiday plates, I made my own raw treats, and I pulled through. I’m not trying to be all raw, I don’t th j cooked food is bad but processed food is like what I would image crack is to a crack addict or what alcohol is to an alcoholic. I just want to get my peace, the overall calmness I had, the access to a spiritual level I couldn’t have had before, and a connection between the universe, myself, & my health. THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO GET BACK TOO.
I want my mind clear, I want to workout and feel good. I want the option to nap, not having to nap! I want the option to choose what I eat instead of letting old Eating Disorder mind slip back into my life. Let me tell you ( and if you have had one… you know it’s hard) that we can beat this, with time, the right support system, the forgiveness we can provide ourselves.. on our journey is KEY and so important.
Anyways I am rambling, But the core of I want to say is I HAVEN’T BEEN MYSELF. I know why, the people close to me know why, and I am sure my followers know I haven’t been myself in a while. I haven’t been posting as constantly ( and all ya’ll influencers/bloggers/Instagramers/ etc. ) know what I am talking about. But I am posting to say I am taking my life back, I have a Trainer (Saje) who I love … she’s the bomb.(watch my insta-stories/snapchat .. you’ll know). She posts on her secret challenge Facebook groups daily workouts, with “rest days” on Wednesday & sundays. Saje post new workout routines each month to keep it challenging and yet fun, we never get used to our routines. The routines are also go at your own pace with beginner reps and also advanced reps. She caters to each person individually in your home for 19.99 a month, and you never have to leave your house or spend more than 45 dollars on your equipment! Then I have an awesome supportive nutrition coach even when I only make it a week, or I eat the same meal all day. You can find them both below. ALSO I did happen to lose 10lbs, and inches while following the program SAJE has and the nutrition program Jourdan from has made for me. I must warn you it may be easier for you to follow if you have never had an eating disorder, but I will also tell you it is WORTH IT, if you do have a history of any eating disturbed background. I WILL also tell you that Saje’s Program is worth every penny, you get a dedicated workout every single day (except off days) and she pushes you enough but not to far!
Go to her Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SajeCoxFitness/
You can see not only my testimonial but everyone else’s! Believe me, they are empowering and inspiring. Last but not least in anyway, Saje works with Jourdan from Summit Nutrition whom you can either work one on one with like I am doing or get advice from her through Saje’s group! The best of both worlds!!
For my incredible trainer, who is fierce, beautiful oozes confidence and empowerment in every post she has, with an incredible background and testimonials from her program you can find here:
***(also Saje’s March challenge is up and ready for signing up!!! Join me or join with friends, I am always open to multiple accountability partners see my insta, Twitter and Facebook for details!)***
Saje’s instagram: http://Instagram.com/sajecoxfitness
Sign up for the March challenge with me:
My fabulous, educated, professional, quick responding, kind, awesome nutritionist you can find here: Jourdan, Summit Nutrition
When working one on one with Jourdan from Summit Nutrition. You have a over the phone or zoom session in which you go over past health, current health, your goals, and what you want to get out of your nutrition plan. Jourdan then works her magic (and her brains) and sets up a meal plan for you and to get you going then weekly updates to tweak to fit your needs! I am on roughly week 4 and loving it! She is incredible and will also help you for choosing meals when you are out at restaurants (of course with notice!). Follow my insta stories for some of her recipes and my meals! I will update you next week with progress!
Follow me on my journey via: Snapchat- xo.erinnicole
or on my instastories- theblondelatte “@theblondelatte”
I hope you understand that it takes some “cojones” to let your personal shiiiiz out, and here I am letting my personal shizzzz out.
thats all I have for today,
The Blonde Latte